Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.
I haven’t been writing or blogging a lot lately. Been thinking a lot. Been pondering and praying a lot. Just haven’t been recording it for all to see. Sometimes I just don’t feel like I have a lot to say. For the longest time it seems that Jesus has been turning so much of my thinking inside out and upside down. Really, I think He is actually trying to turn it right side up - but it doesn’t always feel that way!
Seems He has been doing that in a lot of us these days. I know so many who have been questioning their assumptions. So many who’ve been provoked to actually think and examine long held beliefs and doctrine. So many whose eyes have been opened to recognize how much is still done out of religious dogma and habit rather than out of genuine, living, breathing relationship.
Honestly, I’ve never been fond of the whole “religion” thing and have genuinely loved Jesus in a deep and real way for a long time - but that doesn’t mean I haven’t bought into an assortment of religious lies and habits along the way. I honestly don’t know anyone even remotely affiliated with “the church” who hasn’t. It’s sobering to be faced with that reality, but I guess we’re just prone that way. But the good news is that He is awakening us and - I think - bringing us into a greater revelation of who He truly is and of who we are in Him. The not quite so good news is that actually getting there is kind of a freefall - if you want to fly you have to jump off the cliff.
So, while I’m learning to fly, I’ve been pondering these things in my heart. Don’t feel like I’ve got a lot of it figured out. And a lot of what I used to think I knew, I’m not so sure of any more. I’ve never wanted to write just to put words on a piece of paper simply because I can - I want to have something to say. Yet, as I’ve been pondering, I’ve also realized that if I wait until my ideas are all sorted out and I’ve got just the right words to express just the right sentiments of my heart, I may wait a very long time. Since we’re all in process, I guess sharing the process with others can be a good thing.
This is my tentative step out of the silent ponderings of the last several weeks and back onto paper. Not so profound. Definitely not poetic. And most certainly not perfected. Simple words from a simple person who wants to learn to express my love for Him as authentically as He has, and does, express His for me.
I’m still not sure I have much to say - but, for today anyway, this is what’s on my heart.