Life is a little weird lately.  Not bad, just weird.  There have been times lately when it has been incredibly difficult, there have also been times when it has been incredibly wonderful and I have seen the Lord “show up” in amazing ways.   I feel like I’m being stretched to an unusual degree, but He has also been encouraging me to an unusual degree.  All the way around—it has just been weird.

I feel like I’m sort of floating out in the sea.  No shorelines to tether me to all the things I used to think were important.  All the rules have changed.  My theology has changed.  The way I approach Jesus and His Word has changed.   The way He relates to me has changed.  The way I pray has changed.  The way I look at just about everything and everyone has changed.  Fortunately, though, He hasn’t changed.

I’m so grateful that in every season He is the same and His mercies are new each morning.  I found myself in great need of a fresh batch of those “new mercies” one day last week.  I desperately needed to just be with Him for awhile.  He was faithful to meet my need and I found myself, once again, lost in the unfathomable beauty of the Man, Christ Jesus, and, face to face, once again, with the fact that He is my only reality.  After a while, I wrote these words:

Today, I’m just in love
I can’t move
I can’t read
I can’t write
I can’t even really pray much
Today, I’m just in love
I’m in awe
I’m undone
I’m ruined by His touch
My heart ravished by His love
I’m His forever
To do with as He will
No need for explanation
No need to understand
Today, I’m just in love
And nothing else matters
Nothing else is real
Just Him
It’s always been Him
It will always be Him
Today, I’m just in love
My heart aches for Him with such intensity
That all I can do is groan
With longings too deep for words
I’m His
And He is mine…
Forever
Today, I’m just in love
And I’m glad

  “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” —Psalm 118:24 

If you are reading this—whoever you are—I have a request:  Pray for me.  No really, PLEASE, pray for me.  I realize that we all need prayer all the time.  Since I spend a significant amount of time praying for other people (with no regrets, I might add)—trust me, I am well aware of the great need.    Right now there are undoubtedly bazillions of people all over the place going through all kinds of trials with needs MUCH greater than mine.  Even in my own life I have been through many, many, many seasons where the actual circumstances were far more difficult than what I have been dealing with lately.  But I can honestly say I have never felt like I was in such desperate need of prayer to simply keep standing in faith right where I believe God has planted me.  A majority of the time over the last couple of weeks, it has literally taken every ounce of my energy to simply stand.

I am not a stranger to spiritual warfare.  And I am definitely not a stranger to having my faith tested. But this is different.  There is something MUCH bigger going on.  In the “spirit” I know it like I know my name, but it is not something I can articulate well in the natural.  The irony, of course, is that in the natural there doesn’t appear to be all that much of anything going on.  That fact simply adds to the battle.

When I say there is something “much bigger going on”—I’m not necessarily talking about something “big” in the eyes of man. I’m talking about something big in the heart of God.  He has actually confirmed this to me some amazingly supernatural ways.  You’d think that would be enough.  But for some reason the encouragement never seems to last long and the pull of what I see (or don’t see) in the natural starts pulling me down again.  It is humbling to admit, but despite His previous assurances, I keep finding my gaze drifting away from His.  And when that happens—I start sinking like a lead balloon.

There are lots of specifics I could share—many of the “whys” of the difficulties—but I really don’t think it is necessary, or even wise.  The “whys” in my eyes are probably the least of it, and besides, I don’t need any practice rehearsing all the things that discourage me!   What I have been “rehearsing” is His faithfulness.  I have been praying every prayer of faith I know to pray.  I have been proclaiming His Word and speaking out every promise I can find that is relevant.  I have been praising Him with my whole heart and seeking Him as diligently as I know how to seek Him.  And, although my attempts are obviously weak, I have been as faithful as I know how to be in my actions and attitude.  But I still need help—and I need to know others are praying.      

Even as I’m writing, I am reminded again that Jesus Himself is at the right hand of the Father interceding for me.  Who better to have praying!  He knows my weakness, but He also knows that despite my human frailty the desire of my heart, above all others, is to honor, bless, and glorify Him.  If He wants me to keep standing here, then somehow, someway, I will—not because of me, but because His grace is sufficient.   But … I am also reminded that even Jesus desired that others would “watch and pray” with Him.   That is my desire, too.  And, as He leads, I will most humbly and gratefully receive your prayers for the grace to “endure as seeing Him who is invisible.”

Many thanks and blessings to each of you.

Waiting for Him,

Cindy  

I’ve been using all kinds of spiritual metaphors to describe what life feels like lately.  First it was walking on water; then it was jumping off a cliff; it seems that this week’s metaphor is “going out on a limb.”

There are several things I don’t like about being out on a limb:

1. You are VERY alone.  Ever notice that you don’t see people climb out on a limb in groups?  No, it is pretty much a solitary venture.  Occassionally there are others cheering  you on, more often there aren’t — but either way, only one person at a time climbs out on that limb and it is a VERY lonely place to be.

2. You are VERY exposed and become a very easy target.  There is nowhere to hide when you are out on a limb.  We all have private battles, but once you leave the shelter of the branches and start climbing to the outer edges, you become a target.  Everyone can see you and they’re watching.  They’re watching to see if you are really going to hang on or if you’re going to fall flat on your face.  Not everyone is hoping for the best.  And whatever happens, it will be in plain view of everyone.

3. You feel VERY foolish.  There are moments of great inspiration that motivate you to start climbing, but there are also many more points along the way where you kinda scratch your head and wonder why on earth you are doing something that looks and feels so incredibly foolish.

4. It is scary and genuinely risky.  You never know when you are going to go just a little too far or make the wrong move.  There are always a lot of questions and never a lot of answers.

These are the things I DON’T like about being out on a limb.  But there is something I DO like about it.  Not things–thing.  Singular. There is one and only one thing I actually like about being out on a limb….you get a better view of Jesus.

A principle I’ve known for years is becoming much more real to me lately.  When you put yourself in positions where Jesus is all you have, you discover He is all you need.  When you put ALL your hope in Him–and yes, I do mean ALL–you get to see Him move and work in ways that are beyond anything you could have possibly imagined from a safer vantage point.

So yeah, I’ve been out on a limb.  I feel very alone, I feel very exposed and very foolish, often I’m scared to death and I truly wonder if I’m even going to make it, but then I get a fresh glimpse of Jesus and I know the truth…

It’s worth it.

Thank You, Lord, for Your tender mercies.  Jesus, You always know just what I need and You meet me right where I am.  So often I wish I was futher along on this journey.  I wish I wasn’t so broken. I wish I had things a a bit more together. I wish I never had doubts about the things You’ve called me to do. I wish I was more productive, more persistent, more patient.  But I’m not and You know it.  Yet You are never put off by my humanity, or by my weakness, or by the fickleness of my emotions.  You are much more concerned with my responses to those things in the long haul than You are with the fact that my thoughts and feelings aren’t in perfect alignment with Your heart and mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

And thank You,  Lord, that though my thoughts and feelings are not always in perfect alignment with Yours, You never give up.  You keep pursuing me.  You draw me back a bit faster each time my thoughts begin to stray.  You consistently draw me a little closer, lead me a little further, and take me a little deeper into Your heart each time.

God, I thank You also for a few simple facts–the simple truths that center me.  The fact of Your unfailing love, no matter how messed up I feel.  The fact that the sun rises each morning and brings a new day with new mercies.  The fact that You put a great big ocean out there simply because You enjoy it and You enjoy it even more when I enjoy it with You.  And especially the fact that You never change.  Even in my ups and downs and all arounds, You remain absolutely steadfast.  You are the One constant in my life and the only thing I’m sure of.

Thank You, Lord, for not just loving me, but also for liking me.  For wanting to be with me, even when I don’t want to be with myself!  Thank You that no one can thwart Your purposes.  Thank You that Your plans for me are good.  Thank You, Jesus, for being the center of my life–in You I always have hope.  My life is not my own and I am thankful beyond words for that fact.  I’m Yours and You will work out the details of my life–usually without much help from me!  My life is truly hid in Yours.

So for all these things, and SO much more, thank You, Lord.  Simply, thank You.

Amen.