If you are reading this—whoever you are—I have a request:  Pray for me.  No really, PLEASE, pray for me.  I realize that we all need prayer all the time.  Since I spend a significant amount of time praying for other people (with no regrets, I might add)—trust me, I am well aware of the great need.    Right now there are undoubtedly bazillions of people all over the place going through all kinds of trials with needs MUCH greater than mine.  Even in my own life I have been through many, many, many seasons where the actual circumstances were far more difficult than what I have been dealing with lately.  But I can honestly say I have never felt like I was in such desperate need of prayer to simply keep standing in faith right where I believe God has planted me.  A majority of the time over the last couple of weeks, it has literally taken every ounce of my energy to simply stand.

I am not a stranger to spiritual warfare.  And I am definitely not a stranger to having my faith tested. But this is different.  There is something MUCH bigger going on.  In the “spirit” I know it like I know my name, but it is not something I can articulate well in the natural.  The irony, of course, is that in the natural there doesn’t appear to be all that much of anything going on.  That fact simply adds to the battle.

When I say there is something “much bigger going on”—I’m not necessarily talking about something “big” in the eyes of man. I’m talking about something big in the heart of God.  He has actually confirmed this to me some amazingly supernatural ways.  You’d think that would be enough.  But for some reason the encouragement never seems to last long and the pull of what I see (or don’t see) in the natural starts pulling me down again.  It is humbling to admit, but despite His previous assurances, I keep finding my gaze drifting away from His.  And when that happens—I start sinking like a lead balloon.

There are lots of specifics I could share—many of the “whys” of the difficulties—but I really don’t think it is necessary, or even wise.  The “whys” in my eyes are probably the least of it, and besides, I don’t need any practice rehearsing all the things that discourage me!   What I have been “rehearsing” is His faithfulness.  I have been praying every prayer of faith I know to pray.  I have been proclaiming His Word and speaking out every promise I can find that is relevant.  I have been praising Him with my whole heart and seeking Him as diligently as I know how to seek Him.  And, although my attempts are obviously weak, I have been as faithful as I know how to be in my actions and attitude.  But I still need help—and I need to know others are praying.      

Even as I’m writing, I am reminded again that Jesus Himself is at the right hand of the Father interceding for me.  Who better to have praying!  He knows my weakness, but He also knows that despite my human frailty the desire of my heart, above all others, is to honor, bless, and glorify Him.  If He wants me to keep standing here, then somehow, someway, I will—not because of me, but because His grace is sufficient.   But … I am also reminded that even Jesus desired that others would “watch and pray” with Him.   That is my desire, too.  And, as He leads, I will most humbly and gratefully receive your prayers for the grace to “endure as seeing Him who is invisible.”

Many thanks and blessings to each of you.

Waiting for Him,

Cindy  

Well, I have been so busy the last week that I really don’t have any energy left over to even try to be creative, so instead I’ll just ask for prayer:

-Prayer to not be moved and to keep pressing on toward the goal.

-Prayer to not make a busy season worse by getting even busier in my head than I am in reality.

-Prayer to not lose today on the way to where I am going.

-Prayer to wait for God’s perfect timing in ALL things.

-Prayer to be kind and patient with others even though I’m feeling cranky and pressed.

-Prayer to remember that there are good days and bad days in every season…to enjoy the good and remember that even the not-so-good are important — they are the ones that help me grow and give me the best opportunities to trust Jesus more.

-And, most importantly, prayer to remember to keep looking up — each time I do I realize (again!) that His grace is truly sufficient and He is the ONLY One I need to please.  Fortunately that is not nearly as difficult as I sometimes make it out to be.

Things are moving warp speed along and the official opening of the prayer room is fast approaching (July 7).  Add that to being in the midst of the two busiest weeks of the year at my other “job” (the one that pays me!) and it is probably no surprise that I am exhausted.  But God (aren’t those sweet words?) has been faithfully sustaining me and I know the current craziness really is only temporary.  I appreciate each and every one of your prayers!

With gratitude,

Cindy 

I need Jesus.  That may sound obvious and, in fact, it should be.  But it doesn’t change the fact—I need Jesus. 

People have been asking me how they can pray for me or how they can pray for the ministry.  There are several specific areas of need, but there are none more important than the simple statement I started out with:  I NEED Jesus.

I have never been more aware of how easy it is—with the best of intentions, of course—to impose my will upon His.  I have never been more aware of how easy it is to manipulate circumstances, just a tiny bit, toward the outcome I desire.  I have never been more aware of how incredibly easy it would be for me to put my fingerprints on something He has designed.

It can be so subtle and look so innocent.  That’s what scares me.  On the surface it can look SO right and be so easy to justify.  In fact, there are times that not doing a few things to move things along may even appear unwise.  But I would rather be thought unwise in the eyes of man than interfere, even a little bit, with what God is doing.

Years before this ministry began I knew the Lord was “birthing” something.  In a series of powerful encounters with Jesus, He made it abundantly clear that what He was birthing belonged to Him and that I needed to keep my hands off of it.   In a recent dream that I recounted in the last post, He reminded me again. I just didn’t realize how hard it would be not to “help.”

So I need Jesus.  A friend recently shared with me her opinion that the Lord is giving me a unique opportunity to trust Him completely in this season.  I want to, oh I want to—but I don’t trust me.  So I need Jesus.  He is able.  I’m not.  But He is able.   Able to supply the grace I’ll need to trust Him more fully than I ever have before.  Able to carry out His work to completion without one little bit of assistance from me.   Able even to keep my fingers completely off of His work if that is truly my desire. And it is.  All He wants from me is a “yes” that doesn’t waver … and my willingness to do only what He asks me to do, when He asks me to do it.

For that, I need Jesus. 

I covet your prayers.