I still have a lot to learn about gratitude and perspective.  It is a subject the Lord has had at the forefront of my mind and heart often…especially over the past year.  This past weekend I heard something that made me realize it needs to be on my heart and mind a whole lot more often!  It was a simple statement: ”Feast on what God is doing and what He has done, rather than on what He hasn’t done.”  

I had entered the new year in a so-so state of heart and mind.  The previous year had some marvelous “ups”–but it also had some very significant “downs.”  It’ wasn’t that I was only focused on the downs, but I did allow those things to have a more significant place in my heart than they should have.  And it wasn’t just the downs of the past year that found a place in my heart, somehow I started to become really fixed on all the unanswered prayers that have sort of accumulated over the years.  In that state of mind, my heart became really weary and it was a constant battle to maintain a right perspective.  That’s because I was feasting more on what God hadn’t done than on what He was currently doing and on what He had already done.  It wasn’t doing my heart a bit of good.

So yet again I have realized I have a choice.  And I choose to feast on what He is doing and what He has already done.  When I make that choice, it isn’t a fight to maintain a right perspective and a heart of gratitude.  Sure, there are still lots of unanswered prayers and lots of things that are hard right now, but there is also a LOT that is good.  There are a LOT of prayers God has answered–many of them very specifically.  And there is so, so, so much that He is currently doing.  I’ve made a purposeful determination that this is the banquet I’m going to feast from.  And if I stay at this table, I will never lack for good things to “eat.”

For the first time in a while I really am excited again.  It’s going to be a great year!

I wrote a post for this blog last night.  I was feeling pretty low and it was pretty pathetic.  Jesus deleted it.  For real!  I pressed “publish” and everything jammed.  It completely disappeared–lost forever in cyber never-never land.  Ironically that was probably the most encouraging part of my day yesterday.

God really is involved in even the tiniest details of our lives.  I needed to be reminded of that so that’s what He did.  But I didn’t really fully grasp it, or appreciate it, until this morning.  Basically in my pitiful little post last night, I was “confessing a feeling” (actually several of them!)–I think the Lord would rather I confess the truth.   I was seeking sympathy and support for my woeful lot.  I think He would rather I seek first His kingdom.   When I do it is not so surprising to discover that my formerly “woeful lot” doesn’t seem quite so woeful anymore.

Have my “woes” changed this morning?  No.  The only thing that has changed is my perspective. I had the webstream from IHOP in KC on this morning.  Misty Edwards was singing about gratitude…basically that He owes us nothing but has given us everything.   With the heaviness of the day before still hanging over me, I attempted as best as I was able, in my still quite pitiful state, to give thanks for all the blessings God has lavished on me.  It was a really weak attempt, but I did genuinely try.  In some ways I started to feel even worse, because I was ashamed that I didn’t “feel” grateful even though I knew I should be!  But as an act of my will I continued to confess the things I knew I was genuinely grateful for in the reality of my heart.  It didn’t change how I felt. I was still feeling oppressed and depressed but there was a slight little twinge of hope revived in me–in my inner man, not my emotions–as I simply confessed the truth.  It helped to do what I knew was right even though I didn’t feel like it and nothing seemed to change.

Soon the prayer room transitioned from worship to intercession…for Israel.  As they did, there was a slight–very slight–stirring in my spirit.  In that moment I had a choice.  I could get out of myself and turn my heart toward the things on His heart, or I could continue on in my “woes.”  My conversation with Him went something like this: 

“Well, Lord, it hasn’t been doing me a bit of good to focus on my life and circumstances and honestly it doesn’t seem like there is a darn thing I can do about all the things weighing on my heart, so instead, today, I am going to purpose to seek first Your kingdom  and trust You to handle my life.  I’ll be about Your business, Lord, and as an act of my will, I choose to believe You will be about mine.  You know my heart is weak and weary, but it belongs to You, so fill it with the things on Your heart and help me to leave the things that are on my heart to You.” 

With that I started engaging in the prayers being prayed in the room and within minutes my heart was revived and fully focused on His.  My concerns and circumstances faded as the things on His heart came into focus once again.  The here and now became secondary and the eternal became primary. 

There is a very real battle raging around us.  It is intensifying.  I have had the sense on several occasions recently that I am in spiritual boot camp.  I thought that happened years ago–and I guess it did–for that season.  But this is a different time and a different type of battle.  In a very real sense it is the battle.  He is coming and life as we know it is changing.   The preparation is often very hard and very unpleasant.    I hate seeing the weakness of my own heart and flesh–not to mention the failings of my faith.  During this season in my own life I am very much in need personally–in some ways probably more so than at any time in my Christian life–yet more aware than ever that I need to very purposefully turn my gaze away from those things and onto Jesus being mindful of the real battle.  Never have I fought such temptation to be distracted by the cares of this life.   And the truth is that often I do give in to that temptation and I do get distracted.  I want to give up regularly.  But one thing keeps me hanging on…the Truth.

I am not of this world.  I wasn’t born for this world.  I don’t live for this world.   Understanding that truth is good, but it is also hard.  When you are not of this world and don’t live for this world, you are extremely uncomfortable in this world.  You don’t fit in.  I don’t fit in.  But when my eyes on are eternity–the reality I was created for–I don’t care about fitting in here.  I don’t even care all that much about my circumstances here.  When I lose that perspective, I sink like a lead balloon.  All the “reality” of my current circumstances comes crashing in on me and “life” seems hopeless and overwhelming.  Prayer seems futile.  After all I’ve prayed for so many things–good and godly things–that have remained unanswered for so long.  If I kept my focus there, I would give up.  With a temporal perspective, many things in this “life” are hopeless!  Paul said if we have hope in this life only we are of all men to be the most pitied.  But we’ve been given eternal life.  And this is eternal life—to know Him.  To know what’s on His heart.  To know what He desires.  To know what He’s doing.  And if we want to, He even lets us join Him!  That’s real life.

I was pretty cranky this past week.  I tried to shake it, but I wasn’t too successful.  My attitude really stunk and it seemed like everything was a struggle.  To make things even worse, the day I felt the absolute worst was Thanksgiving.

Not exactly the way you would expect a post on gratitude to begin.  Then again it wasn’t exactly the way I expected my week to go either. I had a wonderful time the previous week immersed in the things of God.  I was on top of the world.  Then I crashed. 

It’s easy to be grateful on the mountain top.  It’s easy to give God thanks when His presence is surrounding you in a tangible way.  It’s easy to have God’s perspective when God is all you see.  But how do you respond when you “crash”–do you still give thanks in all things?

I didn’t.  At least I didn’t give thanks in all things.  I wish I could say I did, but I didn’t.  My attitude did stink for at least part of the time.  But, praise God, it was only part of the time.  I’m not yet at the place where I always give thanks in all things and I certainly don’t always have an attitude of gratitude at all times–but I am learning.  I’m growing.  I’m not where I need to be, but I’m not where I used to be either.  That in itself is worth giving thanks for.   It seems to be a painfully slow process, but I do see little glimmers of His character being made manifest in my life here and there–and I am grateful.

We glimpse the character of Christ on the mountain top and we live the character of Christ in the valley.  It’s in the valley that we need to maintain the perspective we’ve gained while gazing upon His beauty in the heights of glory.  If we are truly beholding Him we should start to become like Him as He transforms us from “glory to glory.”  It’s what happens in between the “glory”s that tests the reality of our life in Him.  It’s what determines our perspective.

Life is filled with good days and not so good days.  Trying to stay on the mountain top isn’t the goal…bringing the mountain into the valley is the goal.  That’s what Jesus did.  If we truly recognized how high He dwells and how low He stooped to save us, I doubt we would ever lose our perspective again.  I doubt we’d ever fail to be grateful.  But in our humanity we just don’t see that clearly all that often.

But one thing I do see clearly is ths … He owes me nothing.  And I do really mean nothing.  No matter how long I walk with Him the truth is still the same…my righteousness is as filthy rags.  I can never ‘earn’ one single thing from Him.  Despite this fact, He gave me everything… “He who did not spare His own Son but offered Him up for us all, how then will He not also with Him, freely give us all things?”   Does knowing this make every day easy?  No.  But when I keep this reality before me it does give me a paradigm for profound gratitude in ALL things.  I don’t yet walk it out in all things, but I do know it is real. This life really is a vapor.   No matter how challenging our existence is here it doesn’t compare to what’s before us for all of eternity.  Everything beyond the fact that we will see Him and dwell with Him forever is gravy.  And He even gives us LOTS of gravy.

Even though I know these things, I still take my eyes off the prize for a moment or two (or longer!) here and there.  Chance are you do too.  But fortunately I have discovered another reason for profound gratitude…a relentless Love that keeps on loving even in my imperfection and weakness.   A Love that keeps loving even on bad days and through stinky attitudes.   A Love that keeps loving through all the struggles of the valley.

A Love for which I am deeply and profoundly grateful…even when I’m cranky.

I wrote a post on gratitude and perspective when I was in Israel and it seems to be an ongoing theme between me and the Lord.  I have been so aware lately about how often I have a choice in the way I look at things and also so aware of how that choice affects both my perspective and the level of gratitude in my heart.   

I have a long way to go in this but the good news is that Jesus is teaching me.  I caught myself a couple of times this past weekend longing for this or that to be different.  It’s not that the things I desired were bad in any way–in fact they were good–but focusing on what could or should be, rather than the good that is,  can cause you to lose perpective really quickly. 

No matter how many hard things there are in this life, there are also always many, many things to be grateful for and many things that are good.   And the funny thing is that when you do focus on what is good–you see more good! 

With that in mind, here are a just a few of the random things I’m grateful for today:

1. I am my Beloved’s and He is mine.  (Really, you could stop right there and celebrate for all of eternity.)

2. I’m grateful for the privilege of prayer.  No matter what is on my heart, I can share it with Jesus.  And even better–prayer also works the other way around.  What a privilege it is when the Creator of the Universe shares the things on His heart with me!

3. I’m grateful that God answers prayer.  I went to a service at my church last night that will have me quietly (or not so quietly!) saying “Hallelujah” and “Thank You, Jesus” for some time to come.  He is responding to the cries of His people and stirring a new and deeper hunger in the hearts of many.  I am so glad…and so grateful. 

4. I’m grateful for my health.  This is something I have often taken for granted and I am trying to pay a little more attention and not take it for granted quite so much anymore.

5. I’m grateful that I have two wonderful kids who love me and know that I love them.   Since they are also both now married–God has doubled the blessing by adding a daughter-in-law and son-in-law that I love as my own.

6. I’m grateful for my family.  They are imperfect, as am I, and we don’t necessarily have a lot in common.  But again, I know they love me and I love them.  For the most part, they don’t know or serve Jesus–that part hurts.  But they are still breathing, so there is still hope and God is faithful.  In the meantime, I’m simply thankful to know that the Lord chose exactly the right family for me to be a part of and I’m grateful that He loves them even more than I do.

7. I’m grateful that nothing is too hard for God and that as long as He is on the throne–which, of course, is forever–there is always a hope and a future for all who believe. 

I could keep going on and and talk about how grateful I am for the beauty of His creation; for chocolate; for the ocean and fluffy white clouds; for the adventures Jesus has already taken me on and the promises He’s made for the future; for friends, fellowship and fun; for naps on Sunday afternoon (well, every once in a great while anyway); for God’s great faithfulness, and…well, you get the idea.

Once you start thinking of what you are grateful for the list just goes on and on.  Which makes sense because His glory and goodness go on and on.  And, of course, His love endures forever.

So yeah, today I am grateful and there is much to be grateful for. 

Today I’m grateful for many things.  That should be true every moment of every day, but I have to confess there are moments (sometimes long moments!) when I lose my perspective.  There is a line from a somewhat obscure song by Twila Paris that comes to mind each time I think about gratitude and perspective: “Could the joy of life be found in simple gratitude, and is gratitude as simple as perspective?” 

Ponder that for awhile.  Is gratitude really as simple as perspective?  The more I consider it, the more I’m convinced of its truth.  I’ve been in Jerusalem for the past two weeks and have had several “perspective checks” that have served to renew a deep and profound sense of gratitude in my heart.

First, as I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been at a large international prayer convocation for a good part of my time here.  I’ve heard a lot of different estimates regarding how many people were in attendance, but in any event it is safe to say the number is closer to a couple thousand than a couple hundred.  Yet there was a relatively small number of Americans–probably less than 50.  As you can imagine, just being in such an international environment easily broadens your perspective.  Most of us in the west recognize that we live in relative ease–materially speaking–compared to most of the rest of the world.  One pastor from Russia told of selling his car so he could come with his son.  He’s not sure what he’ll do when he gets back, but he’s trusting the Lord to work it out.  That’s really where the perspective comes in.  We have a lot materially, but as a nation we are poor spiritually.  We are the church in Laodicia–thinking we are rich, when in reality we are wretched, poor, and blind.  Or worse, we are  the church in Sardis–with a reputation for being alive, when in reality we are dead.  I’ve known this in my heart for a long time, but it was humbling to realize the church in the rest of the world sees it so much more clearly than we do!  The church around the world seems to have a much more accurate picture of the church in the west than most American believers. Since those in so many other parts of the world have nowhere to turn but to God they seek Him with a fervor and desperation that is foreign to  much of western society. As a result they see Him respond in ways we don’t.  They feel bad for us–and they should!

So why am I grateful?  I’m grateful for the many blessings God has given me and my country and pray I (we) won’t squander them.  I’m grateful that believers in other countries are praying for us and I know that God hears.  I’m grateful that He has heard the cries of believers in America through the years and in His mercy He is shaking our nation so that in our time of need we will turn to Him.  And mostly, I’m grateful for my own personal weakness. I lived too long without Jesus as the center of my life and, quite frankly, I was just a walking dead person.  As a result, I do cling to Him with fervor and desperation because I know all too well what life is like without Him.  Years ago the Lord showed me that my greatest spiritual strength was the deep knowledge of my own weakness.  So I am grateful to be able to say along with the Apostle Paul, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest upon me …for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

My second perspective check came this past week in the form of an object lesson involving a very large and sharp knife. I am staying in Jerusalem with a friend and had just finished having a nice dinner with her and her flatmate.  I was doing some dishes and had carelessly placed the above mentioned knife in the water, blade side up.  When I put my hand in the dishwater, my thumb skimmed across the top of the blade.  The result wasn’t pretty. 

So why am I gateful?  It could have been SO much worse.  Sure, a lot of bad things happen in this world, but in that moment I realized just how many bad things don’t happen.  I got a glimpse of how often God protects us.  But I also realized things can change in the blink of an eye.  I want to enjoy every good moment as it comes because they pass so quickly.  It was also a reminder that so many of the things that seem to bring “drama” into our lives are really quite superficial. They make a big mess, but there is no real lasting damage.  That’s how this cut was, it made a big mess and looked like it was really something, but when it finally stopped bleeding and all was said and done, some antiseptic and a couple of simple little butterfly bandages put it back together and now, just a few days later, you wouldn’t have any idea how bad it originally seemed to be.   Honestly, it didn’t even hurt that much–it just “looked” bad.   I’m so grateful that He is teaching me not to sweat the small stuff.  And, in the overall scheme of things, most of it is small stuff.  Let go of the things that don’t really matter–hold fast to what is good. None of us have any idea how long those “good” things will last–enjoy them while you can.

My third and final perpective check (at least for this post!) came this weekend.  Yesterday was Yom Kippur.  The Day of Atonement–the holiest day on the Jewish calendar.  On Friday evening, my friends and I went to the Great Synagogue in Jerusalem for the service (think going to the Crystal Cathedral for an Easter service–people who may not go to synagogue on any other day, go on Yom Kippur) and afterwards we headed to the Kotel (the Western Wall).  Everything stops in Jerusalem on Yom Kippur.  No cars are allowed on the roads.  Everything is closed.  There is a stillness over the city that is hard to imagine any other day–even on Shabbat.  Everyone is out, though, walking with family and friends to synagogue or to each other’s homes, dressed mostly in white.  Of course in biblical times on the Day of Atonement the high priest would enter the Holy of Holies to make atonement for all the people.  Since the veil of the temple was torn at the time of Jesus’ crucifixion and then some 70 years later Jerusalem was siezed and the temple itself was completely destroyed, such a practice is no longer possible.  Which, of course, was God’s intent, since He offered His Son as the final and ultimate sacrifice.  Now, as I understand it (although admittedly my understanding of orthodox traditions is very limited), orthodox Jews will keep track of their sins through the year, and then on Yom Kippur they fast for 25 hours as they confess their sins and seek forgiveness and atonement in various ways depending on the degree of orthodoxy. The ultimate goal is for their names to be written in the Book of Life which is said to be sealed on Yom Kippur until the next year. 

There is a reverence for God associated with Yom Kippur (and in many Jewish traditions), that we would do well to learn from, but there is also a sense of heaviness that comes from the lack of assurance that they have actually been forgiven.  Even though the sense of God’s presence in the city was so apparent, I had such deep sorrow in my heart knowing most will wake up the next morning continuing to carry the weight of their sin.

So why am I grateful?  I’m grateful because I know that atonement has been made.  I’m grateful that I know my sins have been forgiven and I know my name is written in the Book of Life and it will never be blotted out.  I’m even grateful that I know I know!

But even more, I’m grateful that the time of His coming is fast approaching.  Although the Bible tells us we won’t know the exact day or hour, it clearly states that we should know the season.  I don’t know a single person whose ear is attentive to the voice of God who doesn’t whole heartedly agree that we are in that season.  Recent newspaper headlines seem to be taken almost verbatim from the pages of Scripture.  I’m grateful that in that day, all of Israel will be saved.  I’m grateful that many, both Jew and Gentile, are beginning to hear His call and are turning to Him even now.  More than anything, I’m grateful that the day He has longed for since eternity past will soon come to pass.  The day when we, the church worldwide, Jew and Gentile, will be presented to Him–in Jerusalem–as one pure spotless bride.  On that day, He will finally recieve the due reward for His suffering.

Yes, I think gratitude is as simple as perspective.  And today I am simply grateful…for all of the above. 

And for so much more.