Here I am again, Lord.  Not knowing where to turn.  Not knowing what’s next.  Opening my heart and my life before You.  I have no secrets I’m attempting to keep from You.  You see it all.  You know it all.  Every failure.  Every desire.  Every thought.  Every dream.  Every tear.  Every hope.  Every hurt.  You know each one.  You know me. And You love me.

Here I am again, Lord.  At times I’m immobilized by pain too deep for words, yet propelled by truth that runs even deeper.  You are faithful.  You have never failed me.  You will never leave me.  Your love endures forever.  Your grace is sufficient.  I know these things.  They sustain me, but they don’t make it easy.  And they don’t remove the hurt.

Here I am again, Lord.  Wishing I was further along.  Wishing my faith didn’t falter.  Wishing I could always be “up” and mean it.  Wishing I didn’t march to such a different beat.  Wishing I wasn’t always on such a different page.  Wishing that soaring higher didn’t always mean going so much lower.  Wishing I didn’t see so much, so often, and so clearly.  Wishing I could be satisfied with lesser things.  But I can’t. You’ve ruined me.  I’ve seen Your face.  I’ve tasted Your heart.  I’ve seen what You see and felt what You feel.  Nothing will ever be the same. 

Here I am again, Lord.  Falling on Your mercy.  Leaning on Your grace.  Remembering the words You’ve spoken to me.  You went to such great lengths to make sure I counted the cost.  You offered me an easier path before I went too far.  You offered me the opportunity to turn back before it was too late.  But now it is too late.  We both know it.  I’ve jumped into the ocean and I can’t go back to dipping my toes in a wading pool. The wading pool seemed fun for awhile.  Although it was always safe, it actually seemed a bit adventurous at the time. Now it just seems as shallow as it really is. The ocean, on the other hand, is vastly deep.  The waves are unpredictable and it isn’t at all safe. But I’m out too far and I honestly don’t think I could swim back to the shore even if I wanted to.   

Here I am again, Lord.  Knowing You are the only One who really knows where “here” is.      Knowing You are the only One who truly understands the path I’ve chosen.  Knowing You are the only One who knows exactly where this path will lead.  Knowing that You are the only One who can take me there.  And knowing that my soul will only be satisfied with the path that will lead me as close to Your heart as any human being has ever dared to go. 

Here I am again, Lord.  Deep crying out to deep.  My spirit crying out to Your Spirit.  My heart desperately desiring to taste more of Yours.  And yet my flesh balks.  Sometimes I shut down and think I just can’t take anymore.  The fire in Your eyes burns so intensely that sometimes it is just too much and I try to look away.  But I can never look away for long.  The fire You’ve already ignited within me draws me back again and again.  My heart has been branded with the fiery seal of Your divine desire and the flames have been stoked too often to be quenched.   It burns relentlessly, whether I think I can take it or not.

Here I am again, Lord.  Coming before Your face.  Bowing before Your throne.  Humbled not just by Your majesty, but also by Your meekness and mercy, as I see You, the High and Lofty Uncreated One, once again extending Your arm down, down, down into the depths of fallen humanity just to lift me up.  Despite my ongoing weakness, wretchedness, and even wishy-washiness, You still reach down to lift me up. 

So, here I am again, Lord.  I have nothing to give You.  No great gifts, no fancy ministry, nothing the world sees as valuable—everything about me, everything I have, and everything I am, seems so plain, so simple, and so completely lacking in frills. But I do have one thing no one else can give You—me.  I give You my heart.  I give You my life.  Such as it is God, it is Yours.  All Yours.  I am the offering.  It’s not much, but it’s absolutely everything I have to give.  And as Your holy fire continues its ongoing work of burning away every last impurity in my heart, I pray that the offering of my life will ultimately rise as a sweet, soothing, and pleasing aroma before Your throne.

Here I am again, Lord … to give myself to You.