Just pondering this morning (again) how desperately I need him and how desperately I need to remain in his presence.  Of course, he is with me always - but I’m much more aware of that fact at certain times than at others.  Been learning over the years to “practice” his presence (as Brother Lawrence put it) in all seasons of life and in all circumstances.  The more I lay hold of that reality, the more I find I need to lay hold of that reality!  I need him more and more each and every day.  But I know that I am, even now, seated in heavenly realms with Christ, and it is when I remain consciously aware of that fact and veiw life from that perspective that I remain at peace.  

This morning, as I purposed to set my heart and mind “on things above” I found myself pouring out my heart to him once again.  Oh how I love his presence.  Oh how I love him….

Been thinking a lot about glory.  Been pondering and praying, too.  Been longing.  Been hearing a lot of messages that have stirred my soul and made my heart ache, even more, for glory.  The messages are great.  Praying and pondering is great.  But oh to taste.

I have tasted – a little — but there’s more.  There is so, so much more.  I want it.  I want Him.  I love the things He does, but it’s His presence I’m after.  I’m after His heart.  I don’t want to put Him to work every time He shows up — I just want to be with Him.  And He is the God of glory.

There are many good things I’ve prayed for that remain unchanged.  But the best thing I pray for is His glory.  Maybe when I’m transformed, those other things will be transformed, too.  I’m transformed by His glory.   

“And we, who with unveiled faces, all reflect the Lord’s glory are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory which comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” ~2 Cor 3:18.

Ever-increasing glory.  We’re not supposed to top out.  We’re not supposed to plateau.  We’re supposed to keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking.  He will answer.  Christ in us is the hope of glory — ever-increasing glory.  Oh how I long for glory!

Jesus,

You are the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His being — the exact representation of the God of glory.  When we see You, we see glory.  We were created for glory — that’s where we’ve  fallen short and that’s what You came to restore.  You want us to be with You where You are  and You dwell in glory.  You want us to be transformed into Your image and that means reflecting Your glory.  God, stir within us a longing that goes far beyond polite prayers and a quiet desire.  Stir an unquenchable thirst that cannot — will not — be satisfied with anything less than an ever-increasing revelation of glory.  Burn the chaffe from our lives — the distractions, the fear, the pride, all control and even our well meaning agendas — and make us fit for the glory. Let us cast all lesser desires — no matter how noble and good – down at Your feet until our only remaining cry is for glory.  Christ in us - the hope of glory.  In this generation, Lord, find those who are willing to lay it all down to simply be where You are.  Those who literally live and breathe in harmony with Your heart.  Those who are well acquainted with the courts of heaven and who carry the very fragrance of Your Presence into the world around them.   King of glory reign in us; reign over us; reveal Yourself to us and transform us … until the whole earth is at last filled with Your glory. 

Forever and ever ~

Amen

“Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.” –Song of Songs 1:4

I picked up my bible today and began reading Song of Solomon but I couldn’t get past the first few verses. My spirit was flooded with a longing to be swept away by him again.  My heart swelled with the desire to be brought into the King’s chamber—into the secret place of intimate communion with him.  All I could say, over and over again, was “Take me away with you.”I have quite a history with Jesus in this beautiful Song of all songs, but sadly, I haven’t spent much time there lately.   I’ve been far too easily distracted by things that are merely good and, as a result, I have sometimes missed what’s best.  Even in his presence, often I’m interceding for someone or something, or seeking revelation for this that or the other thing, or just randomly chattering at him rather than getting lost in his love and enjoying the unfathomable privilege of just being with him.  Not a good thing when simply being with him is literally the lifeblood of my existence.

Life has been busy lately. Too busy.  I’m finding that I need to learn, again, the principle of rest.  Even in the busy harvest season the Israelites were commanded to keep the Sabbath.  They needed it then more than ever.  I’m finding that I do too.

The other day I had a moment - just a moment - to breathe and look to the Source.  As I did, he immediately refreshed and restored my soul.  The relief was so profound that I quickly jotted down a few words in my journal.  They’re not polished, but I’m posting them anyway because I have a feeling there are a lot of weary souls out there:

Just a Moment

Just a moment

to breathe

Just a moment

to rest

Just a moment

to be still

and escape from the busyness of life

Just a moment

to listen

to smile

to gaze into Your eyes

Just a moment

to merge

heaven and earth blissfully collide

in the beauty of Your peace

Just a moment

to revive

You kiss me with grace

And lead my weary soul to rest

Just a moment

with You

May his sweet shalom rest on you today and always.

Here I am again, Lord.  Not knowing where to turn.  Not knowing what’s next.  Opening my heart and my life before You.  I have no secrets I’m attempting to keep from You.  You see it all.  You know it all.  Every failure.  Every desire.  Every thought.  Every dream.  Every tear.  Every hope.  Every hurt.  You know each one.  You know me. And You love me.

Here I am again, Lord.  At times I’m immobilized by pain too deep for words, yet propelled by truth that runs even deeper.  You are faithful.  You have never failed me.  You will never leave me.  Your love endures forever.  Your grace is sufficient.  I know these things.  They sustain me, but they don’t make it easy.  And they don’t remove the hurt.

Here I am again, Lord.  Wishing I was further along.  Wishing my faith didn’t falter.  Wishing I could always be “up” and mean it.  Wishing I didn’t march to such a different beat.  Wishing I wasn’t always on such a different page.  Wishing that soaring higher didn’t always mean going so much lower.  Wishing I didn’t see so much, so often, and so clearly.  Wishing I could be satisfied with lesser things.  But I can’t. You’ve ruined me.  I’ve seen Your face.  I’ve tasted Your heart.  I’ve seen what You see and felt what You feel.  Nothing will ever be the same. 

Here I am again, Lord.  Falling on Your mercy.  Leaning on Your grace.  Remembering the words You’ve spoken to me.  You went to such great lengths to make sure I counted the cost.  You offered me an easier path before I went too far.  You offered me the opportunity to turn back before it was too late.  But now it is too late.  We both know it.  I’ve jumped into the ocean and I can’t go back to dipping my toes in a wading pool. The wading pool seemed fun for awhile.  Although it was always safe, it actually seemed a bit adventurous at the time. Now it just seems as shallow as it really is. The ocean, on the other hand, is vastly deep.  The waves are unpredictable and it isn’t at all safe. But I’m out too far and I honestly don’t think I could swim back to the shore even if I wanted to.   

Here I am again, Lord.  Knowing You are the only One who really knows where “here” is.      Knowing You are the only One who truly understands the path I’ve chosen.  Knowing You are the only One who knows exactly where this path will lead.  Knowing that You are the only One who can take me there.  And knowing that my soul will only be satisfied with the path that will lead me as close to Your heart as any human being has ever dared to go. 

Here I am again, Lord.  Deep crying out to deep.  My spirit crying out to Your Spirit.  My heart desperately desiring to taste more of Yours.  And yet my flesh balks.  Sometimes I shut down and think I just can’t take anymore.  The fire in Your eyes burns so intensely that sometimes it is just too much and I try to look away.  But I can never look away for long.  The fire You’ve already ignited within me draws me back again and again.  My heart has been branded with the fiery seal of Your divine desire and the flames have been stoked too often to be quenched.   It burns relentlessly, whether I think I can take it or not.

Here I am again, Lord.  Coming before Your face.  Bowing before Your throne.  Humbled not just by Your majesty, but also by Your meekness and mercy, as I see You, the High and Lofty Uncreated One, once again extending Your arm down, down, down into the depths of fallen humanity just to lift me up.  Despite my ongoing weakness, wretchedness, and even wishy-washiness, You still reach down to lift me up. 

So, here I am again, Lord.  I have nothing to give You.  No great gifts, no fancy ministry, nothing the world sees as valuable—everything about me, everything I have, and everything I am, seems so plain, so simple, and so completely lacking in frills. But I do have one thing no one else can give You—me.  I give You my heart.  I give You my life.  Such as it is God, it is Yours.  All Yours.  I am the offering.  It’s not much, but it’s absolutely everything I have to give.  And as Your holy fire continues its ongoing work of burning away every last impurity in my heart, I pray that the offering of my life will ultimately rise as a sweet, soothing, and pleasing aroma before Your throne.

Here I am again, Lord … to give myself to You.  

Life is a little weird lately.  Not bad, just weird.  There have been times lately when it has been incredibly difficult, there have also been times when it has been incredibly wonderful and I have seen the Lord “show up” in amazing ways.   I feel like I’m being stretched to an unusual degree, but He has also been encouraging me to an unusual degree.  All the way around—it has just been weird.

I feel like I’m sort of floating out in the sea.  No shorelines to tether me to all the things I used to think were important.  All the rules have changed.  My theology has changed.  The way I approach Jesus and His Word has changed.   The way He relates to me has changed.  The way I pray has changed.  The way I look at just about everything and everyone has changed.  Fortunately, though, He hasn’t changed.

I’m so grateful that in every season He is the same and His mercies are new each morning.  I found myself in great need of a fresh batch of those “new mercies” one day last week.  I desperately needed to just be with Him for awhile.  He was faithful to meet my need and I found myself, once again, lost in the unfathomable beauty of the Man, Christ Jesus, and, face to face, once again, with the fact that He is my only reality.  After a while, I wrote these words:

Today, I’m just in love
I can’t move
I can’t read
I can’t write
I can’t even really pray much
Today, I’m just in love
I’m in awe
I’m undone
I’m ruined by His touch
My heart ravished by His love
I’m His forever
To do with as He will
No need for explanation
No need to understand
Today, I’m just in love
And nothing else matters
Nothing else is real
Just Him
It’s always been Him
It will always be Him
Today, I’m just in love
My heart aches for Him with such intensity
That all I can do is groan
With longings too deep for words
I’m His
And He is mine…
Forever
Today, I’m just in love
And I’m glad

  “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” —Psalm 118:24 

Thank You, Lord, for Your tender mercies.  Jesus, You always know just what I need and You meet me right where I am.  So often I wish I was futher along on this journey.  I wish I wasn’t so broken. I wish I had things a a bit more together. I wish I never had doubts about the things You’ve called me to do. I wish I was more productive, more persistent, more patient.  But I’m not and You know it.  Yet You are never put off by my humanity, or by my weakness, or by the fickleness of my emotions.  You are much more concerned with my responses to those things in the long haul than You are with the fact that my thoughts and feelings aren’t in perfect alignment with Your heart and mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

And thank You,  Lord, that though my thoughts and feelings are not always in perfect alignment with Yours, You never give up.  You keep pursuing me.  You draw me back a bit faster each time my thoughts begin to stray.  You consistently draw me a little closer, lead me a little further, and take me a little deeper into Your heart each time.

God, I thank You also for a few simple facts–the simple truths that center me.  The fact of Your unfailing love, no matter how messed up I feel.  The fact that the sun rises each morning and brings a new day with new mercies.  The fact that You put a great big ocean out there simply because You enjoy it and You enjoy it even more when I enjoy it with You.  And especially the fact that You never change.  Even in my ups and downs and all arounds, You remain absolutely steadfast.  You are the One constant in my life and the only thing I’m sure of.

Thank You, Lord, for not just loving me, but also for liking me.  For wanting to be with me, even when I don’t want to be with myself!  Thank You that no one can thwart Your purposes.  Thank You that Your plans for me are good.  Thank You, Jesus, for being the center of my life–in You I always have hope.  My life is not my own and I am thankful beyond words for that fact.  I’m Yours and You will work out the details of my life–usually without much help from me!  My life is truly hid in Yours.

So for all these things, and SO much more, thank You, Lord.  Simply, thank You.

Amen.