I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.  Right before going to bed last night I learned that Jill Austin had gone to be with the Lord after a three day battle with severe intestinal problems.  I had been getting prayer alerts the past few days and, along with many others, had been contending for her life.  I’m not sure how old she was - I just know she was too young and the Body of Christ will feel the loss.

Honestly, I’m surprised how much her death has impacted me.  I didn’t know her well.  But I realized this morning that her death has impacted me - because she impacted me.  I first met Jill about 13-14 years ago through a friend who had been part of a “kinship” group with her several years earlier. I don’t think I’ve had more than a handful of brief face to face conversations with her in my life.  I haven’t even been to that many public gatherings where she was ministering over the years, but a couple of those that I did attend were strategic and became turning points in my life. 

Jill opened my eyes and heart to realms of God I never knew existed. When I listened to her talk about Jesus and saw the way she moved in the Spirit, something was stirred in me that hasn’t been quenched to this day.  When I was first filled with the Spirit I had experiences with God that most of those around me couldn’t seem to relate to and I needed to know I wasn’t “losing it.”  When I met Jill, I realized that she had encounters with Jesus that were way beyond what I had experienced. As a result, she made me hungry. She made me realize that not only was I not “losing it” but that there was always “more”  and that we should go after it.  She gave me a paradigm for  prophetic ministry functioning in the church TODAY.  She even gave me the first public “word” I’ve ever recieved.  Really, she opened a key door in my life by showing me a living breathing example of a woman in ministry fulfilling her destiny with an “out of the box” call - despite the many limitations the mainstream church tried to place on her.  She was a true forerunner and we owe her a great debt for breaking so many things open in the heavenlies and making the way easier for others to follow.

Like all of us, she wasn’t perfect.  Over the years she had all kinds of unkind things said about her and many who questioned the “legitimacy” of her ministry.  Honestly, there were times I didn’t track with her myself - but  that doesn’t take away from the impact of what God did through her ministry. If only the body of Christ could truly get a hold of that concept.  We’d be so much richer - and so much wiser. There is SO much we can and should be learning from one another. The fact that Jill’s life and ministry were imperfect make her impact all the greater because my life and ministry are imperfect, too.  And if her life had this great an impact on me, well, maybe - just maybe - my imperfect life can make an impact too.

One thing I do know is that Jill loved Jesus and now the encounter will never end.  Jill, you may have taken your last breath on this side, but you left me with one more living breathing example…the impact of one life.

Thank you - I’m still hungry for more.  And because of a life well lived in abandon to Jesus, I know many others are too.

Okay, it’s Valentine’s Day and I just couldn’t let the day pass without taking a few moments to tell you just a little bit about my Valentine…

He is the fairest of ten thousand; He is the Bright and Morningstar; He is altogether lovely; He is awesome in power and majestic in holiness; He is beautiful beyond description; He good and He only does wondrous things; He is faithful in every season; He is mighty in deed and no one can thwart His purposes; He is merciful and kind and loving toward all He has made; He is patient and tender; He is jealous and relentless; His love is stronger than death and His jealousy as unyeilding as the grave; He is passionately persistent in His pursuit of my heart and His heart is ravished by one glance of my eyes; He delights in me and He rejoices over me; He will never leave me and He will never let go of me–no one can snatch me out of His hand; He’ll never forget me–my name is engraved on the palm of His hand; He is always thinking about me–His thoughts toward me outnumber the sand; His eyes burn like blazing fire; His heart burns with love and longing for me; He is Love; He is for me, He is with me, and nothing is too hard for Him; He keeps His promises and His Word will never fail; I am His and He is mine; I am His and His desire is for me; He is holy; He is righteous; He is faithful; He is good; He is just and He is true; He will never change–He is the same yesterday, today and forever;  No one is like Him and He has no equal; No one can stand against Him–He conquered death and has overcome the grave; He has defeated darkness and brought me into His marvelous Light; He is alive and His kingdom will reign forever; He is the Soveriegn over all creation and creation itself groans with longing for Him; He is my Redeemer, my Healer; my Savior, my King, my Lord and my God; He is the Lover of my soul, my Beloved, my Bridegroom, and the one in whom my soul delights;  He is Jesus, the Name above all names–my Love, my life, and my forever Valentine.

Tis’ the season to be jolly!   Or is it?  Sometimes it is more like, ’tis the season to be stressed and depressed! 

Yes, Christmas is near.  Believe it or not it is already December 9th–Christmas is just around the corner.  I’ve had sort of a love-hate relationship with this season most of my life.  I love what Christmas represents, but I hate the zillions of distractions that pull us so far from the reality of all Jesus came to bring us.  For many, Christmas is a time of loneliness and unmet expectations.  It was that way for me for many years–until I finally realized I celebrated Jesus’ coming every single day of the year!

Once I finally came to that realization it took the pressure off to somehow “make” Christmas and the weeks surrounding it a special time–usually by making myself crazy in the process!  And of course no matter what I did, or what happened, it just never quite measured up to my own expectations or the expectations of those around me.  Someone was always unhappy.  Someone’s expectations always weren’t met.  Now, I have simply been learning to enjoy each good moment of the season as it comes … and to keep the not so good ones in perspective. 

So this Christmas keep your eyes on what is really important.  And of course that is Jesus–the only reason for the season.  The day is special only because of what it represents, not because of what does or doesn’t happen on it.  It is special because of who it represents.  If you have great day on Christmas–great.  But if you have a not so great day on Christmas–that’s okay too.  “These temporary light afflictions are working in us an eternal weight of glory.”  They will soon pass, but the true reason for the season will never fade away.

So enjoy the season and have a blessed Christmas.  But even more–have a blessed life in Christ each and every day of the year.

Since I live in Southern California, the recent (and still burning) fires are obviously at the forefront of my mind.  Like just about everyone else in this region of the country, I know people personally affected in significant ways.  I have been praying along with, I’m sure, a host of others for God’s protection, provision and comfort during this time.  Those are important and valid concerns that have been prominent in my prayers this past week and my heart goes out to those who are suffering.  But I also have to be honest and say something else is even more prominent in my heart and mind at the moment–the spiritual parallel that I believe these fires represent.

We’re all wired differently.  God likes it that way.  He also speaks to us in a variety of ways.  He has wired me in such a way that I am always looking for spiritual application in events surrounding us in daily life and one of the ways God frequently speaks to me is through these events.  I find that many events in the natural are prophetic pictures of what God is doing or about to do in the spiritual.  I can’t help but think that the massive clusters of fire storms California has experienced over the past few years are a prime example of this.

Before I write anything else, I feel like I need to clearly say that in this, as in every other “natural” disaster on the earth, God is wholeheartedly and intimately concerned about the personal impact to the lives of each and every individual affected.  God never has and never will cause “evil” … but in His mercy He most certainly does use certain events in such a way that they serve to bring about the fulfillment of His sovereign purposes–in individual lives and on the earth.  And in California–in a spiritual sense–there is much that needs to be burned.

In our culture we are so immersed in things that don’t matter.  Things won’t last.  One of the ways God can bring good out of a time of great tragedy is when we allow it to re-focus us on what is really important.  That is my prayer for this season–that we will learn from the tragedy and that these fires will ultimately serve to turn us away from the things that don’t matter in the long run and re-focus our attention on the things that do.  Rather than focusing on what’s gone, I pray we we will focus on what remains.  Rather than focusing on what has been lost, I pray we will focus on what can’t be taken away.  And I pray that in the fire we will be purified.

It is no coincidence that God Himself is referred to as a “Consuming Fire.”   In the fire chaff is burned and destroyed, but gold is purified.    When you think of all the images on the news the past few weeks bearing witness to the intensity and immensity of an “all comsuming fire” and stop to consider that God Himself wants to consume our lives in the same way, it paints quite a vivid picture indeed.  He desires to literally consume us–to burn the useless chaff from our lives and wholly purify what remains.  I, for one, pray He will have His way. 

So let’s join our hearts in praying for those who desperately need our prayers right now, but let’s also pray that the fire of His Spirit will consume this state and our nation us and make us holy.

I’ve been using all kinds of spiritual metaphors to describe what life feels like lately.  First it was walking on water; then it was jumping off a cliff; it seems that this week’s metaphor is “going out on a limb.”

There are several things I don’t like about being out on a limb:

1. You are VERY alone.  Ever notice that you don’t see people climb out on a limb in groups?  No, it is pretty much a solitary venture.  Occassionally there are others cheering  you on, more often there aren’t — but either way, only one person at a time climbs out on that limb and it is a VERY lonely place to be.

2. You are VERY exposed and become a very easy target.  There is nowhere to hide when you are out on a limb.  We all have private battles, but once you leave the shelter of the branches and start climbing to the outer edges, you become a target.  Everyone can see you and they’re watching.  They’re watching to see if you are really going to hang on or if you’re going to fall flat on your face.  Not everyone is hoping for the best.  And whatever happens, it will be in plain view of everyone.

3. You feel VERY foolish.  There are moments of great inspiration that motivate you to start climbing, but there are also many more points along the way where you kinda scratch your head and wonder why on earth you are doing something that looks and feels so incredibly foolish.

4. It is scary and genuinely risky.  You never know when you are going to go just a little too far or make the wrong move.  There are always a lot of questions and never a lot of answers.

These are the things I DON’T like about being out on a limb.  But there is something I DO like about it.  Not things–thing.  Singular. There is one and only one thing I actually like about being out on a limb….you get a better view of Jesus.

A principle I’ve known for years is becoming much more real to me lately.  When you put yourself in positions where Jesus is all you have, you discover He is all you need.  When you put ALL your hope in Him–and yes, I do mean ALL–you get to see Him move and work in ways that are beyond anything you could have possibly imagined from a safer vantage point.

So yeah, I’ve been out on a limb.  I feel very alone, I feel very exposed and very foolish, often I’m scared to death and I truly wonder if I’m even going to make it, but then I get a fresh glimpse of Jesus and I know the truth…

It’s worth it.

Well, ready or not, the time of our official opening is upon us, but honestly I’m not even sure what exactly that is going to mean.  I wrote an email with some prayer requests to some friends recently and I mentioned that I have this “nifty calendar, filled with all kinds of nifty events” but at the moment, that’s really all it is.  I still have a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.  But I am convinced this whole thing started in the heart of God and that’s where I need to leave it. That calendar can, and quite likely will, change substantially over a very short period of time.   People think I’m joking when I say this, but I really am just along for the ride and I only know what He’s shown me to do so far.  Which, at the moment, is basically to just keep waiting on Him and then respond in obedience whenever He shows me the next step.  This coming Saturday, that step will be to open our doors to whoever wants to come. 

In the natural, there is a lot to worry about.  To my natural eyes it would appear that there isn’t enough space, enough time, enough resources, enough gifting, or even enough knowledge. The list could go on and on.   But I kinda get the impression Jesus isn’t too stressed about any of those things.  When I keep my eyes on Him, I’m not either.

One thing the Lord has taught me to do over the last several years is to keep my identity separate from my circumstances.  That’s what makes this a “no lose” proposition.  No matter what happens, I am loved by God.  I will forever be the object of His affections and that forever settles the question of my value.  Add to that the fact that I genuinely love Him—and I know He knows it—I can be assured of my life being a smashing success in the eyes of Heaven regardless of what does or doesn’t happen here.

I do pray for the grace to keep standing in faithfulness with my heart yielded to His, so that He is able to do all that is in His heart with this ministry and with our little prayer room.  Already He seems to be drawing people and touching them in deep ways. I am awed and humbled each time He “shows up” and I pray that will never change.  I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit I would very much like for things to continue going well and even for them to increase.  The trick, though, is not to get set on just how that is supposed to look.  I don’t want to connect the dots or color in the lines or do anything else that will leave my fingerprints mingled in with His. I just want Him to be blessed and have His way.

It’s really funny, but there is a big part of me that keeps looking around and saying, “Okay, so what’s the big deal? Why do I feel like I’m free falling off a cliff in this little endeavor?”   We have this nice little prayer room and office.  We have a nice little website.  And, of course, there’s that nice and nifty little calendar.  All nice, but also all seemingly insignificant in the overall scheme of things.  Seemingly insignificant.  That’s the catch—insignificant in the world’s eyes, perhaps, but not in the eyes of God.   That’s the reality that keeps gripping my heart and honestly it is quite sobering.  I am convinced that the things we are doing with our “nice little ministry” are absolutely enormous in the heart of God.

Even so, it is entirely possible that things will never look that way to me, or to anyone else for that matter.  But my opinion just doesn’t matter all that much–all that does matter is His opinion.  And that’s why—ready or not—we are set for take off.

And that’s why I’m along for the ride.